As I was reading (and thoroughly enjoying) a fellow blogger’s site today, I realized something about myself: I’m afraid to blog. Since I started my blog almost 9 months ago, I have only posted 6 times!! Geez…saying that aloud (well, typing) makes me feel pretty bad about my self-proclaimed title of “writer”. How am I a writer, when I never write?
Well, that’s when it hit me. As much as I love to write, writing scares the crap outta me! Writing is such a huge part of me, who I am. If people were to read my writing and not like it, well, that would hurt. Like, a lot. So most times, it seems that my defense against this outcome is to simply avoid sharing my work. Or only sharing it with people that I know love me, and will support me no matter what. But that doesn’t make me a writer! Not saying that writers are fearless, but they must be willing to share their craft with the world, and be prepared for whatever that means. (Unless you’re a writer that only writes for your own personal enjoyment — which is fine, but not what I’m trying to do.)
So, back to my dilemma. I realized that I felt afraid to blog, first because I was afraid people would not like what I wrote. And second (and more importantly), that people would not even read it. If you are a writer, you know exactly what I mean when I say that that is a fate worse than most others. To pour all of my heart and soul into a piece of writing that no one reads… I can’t imagine much worse in life. So my solution? Start a blog, but don’t blog. That way, people can’t say I don’t write, because I can always point out that I do indeed have a blog. At that point, it’s just a matter of making excuses for my lack of posts (too busy with big projects, no internet, etc.). For awhile this solution worked for me. Until today.
Today, I realized: If I am afraid to blog, how will I ever have the courage to write at all? Because to me, writing is not writing when no one is reading. Well, at least when you’re writing with the intention of sharing. So, I will write, amidst the fear. Because whether I wanted this fate or not, life chose me as a writer. Being granted with such a gift can be a blessing and a curse, a responsibility that can’t simply be ignored.
So, no more ignoring. No more excuses. Just writing. And hopefully, someone will be reading. If not… well, I plan to just keep writing, until someone does.